Just in time for the season, we now have our very special dark mint chocolate shortbread, made with Belgian chocolate and hand-crushed candy canes that sparkle in the fairy-lights like diamond-crushed jewels! Available from our stall at Sunset Valley Farmers’ Market, and also at Live Oak Market (Manchaca and Ben White).

And as if that wasn’t enough, we are also offering hand-made English-style grapefruit marmalade, the perfect stocking filler at an amazing bargain of only four dollars a jar! If you are wondering why grapefruit jam would be traditional in the UK, it’s all down to our famous historical passion for international travelling and collecting worldwide treasures, including citrus of all varieties, which we use for many recipes (eg. lemon curd), even though they do not grow well at home. Luckily, Texas produces fabulous pink grapefruit by the bucketload, which is how we can make this delicious preserve so reasonably compared to what you would pay in an import store for a much less fresh, more mass-produced marmalade: which is why we believe that local, hand-made, real, unadulterated food doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.

So whether you celebrate with all the trimmings/ fixin’s, or whether you are completely fed up with all the shops still playing, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” everywhere you go, we wish you good eating for the month of December and a stress-free last few days of this decade. (At this point, feel free to imagine the sound of sleigh bells fading in the distance, bringing our blog post to a peaceful close…)

delicious sweets from Marks and Spencer *

Here are a few impressions from our recent trip to the Old Country:

1. Marks and Spencer Simply Food stores at petrol garages: this is total genius. Marks and Spencer make delicious snacks of all kinds, and they have taken over various convenience stores for the general indulgence and joy of the British public. You simply lose all track of money and feel you must buy everything- pastries, marshmallow teacakes, exotic crisps, magazines, a few boxes of choc-chip butter shortbread…

2. Considering how far north Britain actually is, it’s really very warm indeed. At the same northerliness in Germany it was absolutely freezing, and even more wet. Brits need to be proud of their comparative warmth, instead of always wishing the weather could suddenly go Mediterranean! Iceland and Norway don’t have it so good!

3. London traffic. Great if you need a few hours for removing your own hair one handful at a time.

4. Obsession with safety is at an all-time national high. Notice in hotel bathroom: “This heated towel rail has been disconnected for your safety”. Uh, what about our warm towels?! And above the very same radiator, another notice from when it still worked: “Warning: this appliance may become very warm.” Very Warm! Seriously, we are not making this up- functioning heated towel rails can actually become VERY WARM! Would you believe it? Thank goodness they took charge of the situation and disconnected it for our safety.

Now, has anyone noticed that the mini-electric kettle in all British hotel rooms not only becomes very warm but also produces boiling water? Because when they realise and remove them for our safety, we will have to buy one of those things and bring it along ourselves, they are brilliant.

* photo by markhillary

British hospital Lancashire hotpot dinner, photo by jayneandd on flickr- this is actually one of the nicest examples of hospital food available on the internet.

People who have been to prison (I heard this from Martha Stewart herself, on her TV show) always say that the worst thing about it is the abominable institutional food. However, according to the BBC, the food in British hospitals may be even worse than what you would get in jail. Imagine that! If you dare.

This amusing article in the Guardian brought to our attention a certain unfortunate Brit who is currently trapped in a hospital with a bad leg, and who has been blogging about the terrible food, by posting pictures of it and asking readers to guess what it actually is. The game is known as “Hospital food bingo”:

In one post, Traction Man recalls looking forward to Southern-style drumsticks, but laments that: “Unfortunately the menu didn’t state the origin of southern. In my case it was southern Ethiopia. Never have I seen such scrawny and aged chicken. There was more stick than drum.”

And some of the other comments could put you off British food altogether, so we will refrain from quoting any more of them here! But bedpans are mentioned.

And here is a blog showing photos of hospital food from all over the world. It doesn’t exactly look outstandingly delicious in any of those countries, sadly. We don’t know why, but presumably the difficulty of voting with your feet while incapacitated must come into it.

Perhaps the ideal solution is to beg a friend or family member to bring in daily nutrition for you. Of course, you will then be forever in their debt and completely unable to repay the favour, unless they too are hospitalised one day and need you to do the same, but we think lifelong indebtedness might be a small price to pay for avoiding some of the worst food known to humankind. In the meantime, we would like to wish excellent health to all our readers and customers; may you never need to research this subject further.

1. There is some debate about whether the British flag should be called the Union Jack or the Union Flag. The BBC prefers “Jack”, the Guardian prefers “flag” and the Royal Navy says “Jack” when the flag is flying at sea and “flag” before and after. We think all this probably means that both terms are OK.

2. It’s a mashup of three other flags: the St Andrew’s Cross (of Scotland), the St George’s Cross (of England), and the St Patrick’s Cross (of Ireland)*. Strangely, Wales is not represented in the Union Jack, but it does have its own (very exciting) flag, the Red Dragon.**

3. The Union Jack features in the corners of many other flags, mostly due to Britain’s old habit of rampaging round the world and forcing them to do that. One bizarre exception is the flag of Hawaii, which features the Union Jack in its top left corner despite never having been invaded by Britain; according to Wikipedia, a king of Hawaii once saw the flag on a British ship and copied it as a symbol of regal authority. But we think he probably just thought it looked really cool and groovy.

4. Unusually for a flag, the Union Jack is very dramatic and goodlooking (the United States flag also rates highly for style and pizzazz, but most flags are really quite dull), which may be why it is such a fashion accessory these days. As well as Vivienne Westwood’s famous adaptations for the Sex Pistols and The Rug Company, you can find Union Jacks all over many British products and various jeans, jackets, bags etc. We even found it on a ladies’ wallet in Target the other day. Something about the combo of three crosses meeting in the middle reminds us of breaking glass or an explosion or something else violent and related to the country’s history and ongoing identity crisis. Or maybe it’s just pretty. Either way, we love it.

5. The British flag is celebrated in Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell’s famous “dress” of 1997, which was actually just a t-shirt worn with a pair of black underpants, but in those days nearly all t-shirts were extremely truncated, revealing the entire navel, hence the widespread misunderstanding.

* because Northern Ireland is still part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.
** The Red Dragon may be the oldest national flag still in use- it is so old, nobody knows for sure exactly why it is the flag of Wales.

Full English bumper sticker- see 4. below

1. Greenling Organic Delivery is now carrying our wholegrain shortbread and rock buns, as well as organic flapjacks. They bring all sorts of produce and foodstuffs to your door with free delivery on orders over $30- perfect if you can’t make it to the farmers’ market, or just can’t face any more of this hundred-and-freak-degree heat we’ve been having in Austin all summer….

2. Someone wrote a review on our Yelp page! Hurrah!

3. We have a freshly-baked batch of KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON Full English t-shirts ready for tomorrow’s market: they are really cool (see picture in post below) and only $7.50 for hand-printed, recycled t-shirts, which is a bargain these days, so we expect to run out of second-hand shirts soon and will be looking for good-value, good-quality, coloured new shirts to use instead (suggestions welcome).

4. There will be a limited number of bumper stickers of our Full English/ Union Flag logo available from the stall at Sunset Valley Farmers’ Market tomorrow. We printed them ourselves for cheap so we can give them away for free, and we really hope people think they look groovy enough to decorate their cars with. If so, we will definitely do a bunch more next week (maybe at a different Kinko’s because our local one had a machine which chewed the vinyl instead of printing it, which was really annoying).

5. We were inundated this week by a letter from a Mrs Trellis of North Wales, who writes, “Are you English or are you British? And does this include Welsh, or not?” This is an issue over which there has been much confusion and not a little warfare over the centuries. We will be clarifying all in next week’s blog post. Till then, may we recommend the hilarious BBC Radio 4 show I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue- a must for all Anglophiles, and the original source of the notorious Mrs Trellis.

Full English is pleased and excited to announce in this week’s post that we have sufficiently mastered the art of mechanical t-shirt-printing to produce our very own punk-rock-DIY-style Extremely Limited Edition KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON Full English t-shirts! Made from best quality recycled second-hand t-shirts, (we are planning a line using brand new t-shirts next, now that we have built up the necessary confidence), they will be available in random different sizes and colours, from our stall at tomorrow’s Sunset Valley Farmer’s Market, and any leftovers will be posted here.

The KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON poster has become very popular recently all over the world- the New York Times even wrote an article about it last week- so you may already know that it was designed in 1939, at the beginning of WWII. According to Wikipedia, the poster was intended as a “last case scenario” to be used only should the Nazis succeed in invading Great Britain, in order to stiffen resolve. (Don’t you love that old-style expression, “to stiffen resolve”? This particular wikipedia page seems to have been written by Winston Churchill himself!)

As the Nazi invasion only included the entire rest of Europe, and never actually succeeded in making it into Britain, very few people had even heard of the KEEP CALM poster when it was rediscovered in a second-hand bookshop in 2000. The extremely British nature of the sentiment, perhaps even more enjoyable with a small dose of irony added, is really lots of fun, and has inspired many spin-offs. One theory for its popularity is that our hard-struck recessionary times inspire the same kind of “stiff upper lip” morale-boosting as the terrifying Nazi threat of WWII, but we find that sort of comparison a bit pathetic really. The most sobering thing about this poster is that it was never needed- because the idea of a nation of courageous old-fashioned Britons facing the invading storm troopers armed with nothing but calm and carrying-on-ness is so poignant, it makes you want to cry. But instead of crying, why not simply thank God and Mr Churchill, and come to SVFM tomorrow morning for a Cornish pastie, some delicious flapjacks and a super-cool new item of clothing (see above)!

Just look for the British flag.

Update: We’re really pleased to say that the shirts are going so well that after three reprints, we’re now working on getting them done in bigger numbers (while keeping it all hand-made, DIY & real). We’d really like to make some available for mail order, as a couple of people have asked. And we’re thinking about trying some of the design ideas people have suggested at the market, eg. Union Jacks and Texas-customisations of Brit-ideas. All of which is right up our street/ just our cup of tea

Two nations, united by common colourways in their flags…

This New York Times article says that all the best ideas of the founding fathers were actually drawn from British law and traditions. I would not like to comment on the truth or relevance of this, in case anyone holds me responsible, but a brief summary is:

1. Fireworks: apparently these were already an annual tradition, on the June 4th birthday of King George III. So “the ritual was cleverly rebranded” for July 4th instead. Although, had they failed to do this, I doubt anyone would have argued, “Bring back the British! We really miss the firework display!”

2. The Declaration of Independence is largely based on a pre-existing British document, the 1689 English Bill of Rights, which is full of grievances against the then exiled King James II so sets the legal document precedent for getting rid of monarchs.

3. The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is based on British common law principles of life, liberty and property. There’s something about the happiness part being based on British constitutional principles, but the UK has no written constitution, so everyone has now completely forgotten whatever those principles were anyway.

I don’t know if anyone will be in town shopping tomorrow morning, but if you don’t expect to be having a barbecued breakfast on the lakeside, please do join us at Sunset Valley any time after 9am. And happy July 4th, whatever title you prefer to give it!

The where to find us page is now updated with the new stores and coffee shops where Full English goodies can be found, including our newest friends-

Cafe Caffeine has been enjoying a revival this year, with lots of new food from local vendors like us. It’s a great local cafe for South Congress area folks and South Austin lovers, with wifi as well as great food. What people say.

The Hideout Coffeehouse is on the front of the improv hotspot Hidedeout Theatre.

And Greenling Organic Delivery now stocks our flapjacks, so you can have them brought to your door with everything else organic that you love.

Onwards and upwards!

Glasto 2009- this is what 100,000+ tents look like- click to see bigger!

Every year at this time, more than a hundred thousand Brits go slightly bonkers all at once, by camping on the same farm, enjoying a staggering lineup of international musicians and performers, praying for sunshine so the whole place won’t turn into a gigantic mudbath, and queuing for appalling portaloo facilities in between. Much fancy-dress (US: costume) is worn, many fire-eaters on stilts and suchlike are admired, and in general everyone has the biggest party in the world.

Even though we have never been to the festival ourselves, our “UK base” is just a few miles from the action, and this year one of the teenagers has managed to wangle** a ticket with family friends, and is making her inaugural visit with great enthusiasm, so we are all excited on her behalf. It’s hard to explain what is so special about Glastonbury, but something about this unique mixture of music, camping close enough to hear your neighbours snoring/singing/chanting Druid rhymes all night in the surrounding fifty tents, holiday-bonhomie (people actually talking to strangers in a friendly way! a major departure from the usual buttoned-up English habit) and (last but definitely not least) Very Extreme Hardship, really does both suit and summarise the British character. Maybe one year we will make it over there. Probably when scientists finally invent weather machines and can actually guarantee sunshine.

** “Wangle” is one of those ridiculous-sounding British words that Americans find hilarious. It means “to resort to trickery or devious methods”, in the manner of the Artful Dodger etc. There are an awful lot of words for this concept in the GB, for some strange reason- it’s a bit like the legend of the Inuit words for “snow”. One very popular one is “fiddle”, as in the recent MP expenses scandal. In the US, this words means “play” in an honest if unfocussed way, and does not imply deceit of any kind.

millionaire’s shortbread (click for larger view, you won’t regret it)

We are very excited to announce that two of our top favorite sweets are now available in two of our top favorite South Austin food stores- you can now get original flapjacks and millionaire’s shortbread at Thom’s Market on Barton Springs Road, and Farm to Market Grocery on South Congress. These are wonderful independent food stores that support local artisan businesses like ours, offering hope to all of us who have had enough of megasupermarket culture and support the rise of human-scale shops with human-friendly products and produce.

Thom’s Market is owned by Bill and Beth Thom, who once took their kids out of school for a year to sail around the world- how cool is that?! Here’s the Austin Chronicle’s great and enthusiastic piece about them. And here is a lovely write-up of Farm to Market, owned by Peggy McCoy, in Edible Austin- which also kindly mentions us on their front page at the moment.

As not everyone in Austin has even heard of flapjacks or millionaire’s shortbread yet, please do share the news with your South Congress area-loving friends. The campaign continues…